My First Father's Day

This is one of my all time favorite photos.
It's hard to share such a special, personal moment

especially because it's not Ian's father adoring him.

But you know what, 
this is Grandpa's first look at Ian.

I never asked him what he was thinking as he placed his first gaze at his apo.

By the look on his face,

he looks happy, filled with love,

and I'm sure he's praying.

It's no secret that I'm a major daddy's girl. My dad is an unbelievable man.  Even though he is very humble, it is hard not to see that he is hard working, loving, fair, supportive, understanding, puts others before himself, funny (corny) and most importantly, honest.  

I am so very lucky that Ian has an AMAZING father figure in his grandpa.  I pray everyday that Ian grows up to be a true gentleman, one molded from my father and the other great Tolentino men.  Don't get me wrong, Tolentino's aren't saints, but at the end of the day, we sure as hell can hold our head up high knowing that we own our mistakes, accept and deal with the consequences and maintain a high level of integrity and dignity.

This will be Ian's first Father's Day and all he's known is my dad.  Of course he doesn't understand it now, or maybe for a couple years even.  I hope he doesn't feel left out later down the line.  It's going to be heartbreaking trying to make him understand, but that's just another duty for us single super moms.

Being a father is a role taken by a man who has great pride, love, joy and willingness to be the best example of a good man for a child.  It's going to take a hell of a guy to fill my dad's shoes and be able to earn the pleasure of being Ian's father.  

Happy Father's Day to all the MEN who have stepped up to the role.

Happy Father's Day to all the WOMEN who are doing double duty 

because their baby daddy can't handle responsibility.

*Check back soon for my Tell All Series*

in which I finally share the real story,

walk up the scaffold

and reveal Ian's baby daddy.

<3

Melissa

For the Child Support Win

Blouse & Skirt: Express Purse: gifted Sunglasses: Vintage 

Watch: Michael Kors Shoes: Aldo

Last week I finally had my court date to settle the child support amount.  I'm glad to announce that I finally got it court approved and will finally be collecting!

Here are some things to keep in mind for your first child support appearance:

Read your summons/ court request thoroughly.

The court appearance request packet was confusing for me.  Basically the first page was the request, then I had copies of the summons that was sent to the baby daddy, blank forms to fill out, and a FAQ. The directions for me said just to appear, but why all the blank forms? and the FAQ said to bring a whole bunch of stuff that I had  already turned in when I first filed.  Do I need to do all that again? I called the child support services department to make sure I knew what they needed from me, what I needed to bring and what all the copies, forms all meant.  Even with all the recommendations, I ended up bringing a binder full of stuff.....just in case. 

Representation

With all court appearances, you have the right to have an attorney.  I considered it since I wanted to make sure I could get what was fair and due to Ian.  I also thought that the baby daddy would bring one and possibly throw me off. But even with a referral, I couldn't afford it.  There are free services available but I was so iffy on it, that I really didn't take the time to follow through.  The main reason I opted to do it on my own was because I felt that our case was fairly straight forward.  Since the baby daddy has had no visitation, the child support amount would be calculated by the court's guidelines. 

Research and use your resources.

If you're going to represent yourself, be prepared with all the necessary paperwork, knowledge of the process and your legal rights.  If you have questions, google, google, google.  Call your local child support services department.  In my case, I also reached out to friends that are attorneys and social workers.  I wanted to make sure I knew what to expect. 

Be as mentally and emotionally prepared as you can.

It is really important to put your best foot forward and represent yourself as a fit parent.  I knew I would be calm and collected but my only worry was how I would feel seeing the baby daddy for the first time.  We had not seen or spoken to each other in over a year and a half.  Would I be upset, hurt, want to ask questions?  The day before, I was filled with so many emotions.  I had to get out of the house to relax and clear my mind.  A solo dinner at a sushi bar did it for me.  The morning of, I was ready to go.  Funny enough, I didn't know he was right in front of my face when we crossed paths the first time.  We didn't acknowledge or talk to each other until mediation.  We were cordial enough to get through the process without arguing or upsetting one another though.  Actually, I was nicer than I should have been with all things considered, but I think it's because I got the win for Ian.

Dress for success.

Look the part.  Dress professionally.  I wore the outfit pictured above.  I thought about having to hide my tats but I wore what was comfortable and decent enough for my style.  I  loved my outfit, which made me feel super confident.  Along with the usual necessities, this purse was big enough to fit my 1 inch binder, a water bottle and snacks!

Be on time.

I'm never on Filipino time, so I was 30 minutes early.  I was able to collect myself, go over paperwork, relax and breathe before the whole thing.  Since we both came on time, we were able to get the process started and didn't have to stay there all day.

Even though I got the child support win for Ian,

I felt like I got a partial victory.

No amount of money can replace a father for Ian.

I asked the baby daddy why he didn't want to do visitation 

and I got a BS answer of "I don't know how."

He knows that I was and will always be available

to help him have a relationship with his son

if he is ready to step up.

But HE HAS TO BE READY.

I reached out to him about visitation

if it was something he wanted to do, 

which would also decrease the child support amount.

No response means no fucks given.

I get it. 

A year and a half of nothing continues.. 

Good luck to you if you are starting the child support process.  It can take some time, but be patient.  It will be worth it.  Trust the process.  Know that all the paperwork, hassle, waiting, and inconvenience is for the best interest of your child.  

<3

Melissa

 

Time is Precious

If you're going to take advantage of something, take advantage of your Time.

Never waste such a precious gift, for it can never be regained.

Time has the power to heal, create a wonderful life, 

allows us to grow and gives us a new perspective. 

Time will fly.
Stay in the moment and take it all in.

<3
Melissa